I hate that want to cry at/on someone. No one wants to deal with sad or upsetting things. And no one likes a crybaby and that's how I feel today. Crying off and on.
Like people have told me all my life, I shoukd just keep growing tougher skin until things don't hurt anymore. That would make the most sense, right?
I'll get over this. I hate being this weak but I also hate having to pick up the pieces and going one step at a time forward but fuck if I know how to do differently at this point.
/listens to BUMP OF CHICKEN forever.
Books read in 2011:
The Dresden Files: Turn Coat by Jim Butcher
The Dresden Files: Changes by Jim Butcher
In the Woods by Tana French
The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson
Garden of Beasts by Erik Larson
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut
✦ The Dresden Files: Fool Moon by Jim Butcher
✦ The Dresden Files: Grave Peril by Jim Butcher
✦ The Dresden Files: Summer Knight by Jim Butcher
✦ The Dresden Files: Death Masks by Jim Butcher
✦ The Dresden Files: Blood Rites by Jim Butcher
✦ The Dresden Files: Dead Beat by Jim Butcher
✦ The Dresden Files: Proven Guilty by Jim Butcher
American Gods by Neil Gaiman
✦✦ Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke
Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan
Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan
Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Titan's Curse by Rick Riordan
Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Battle of the Labyrinth by Rick Riordan
✦✦✦ Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman
✦✦ finished reading
✦✦✦ in process of reading
Books I own and have not yet read (or read partway but didn't finish):
The Age of Fables (compilation of fables)
Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky
The Buried Treasure and Other Picture Tales selected by Eulalie Steinmetz Ross
Castle in the Air by Diana Wynne Jones
Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger
Citizen Hughes by Michael Dosnin
The Complete Grimm's Fairy Tales
The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
Essays and New Atlantis by Francis Bacon
Faust by Goethe
Five Great Dialogues by Plato
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
The History of Henry Esmond by Thackeray
Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky
Irish Myths and Legends by Lady Gregory
Iron Kingdom: The Rise and Downfall of Prussia, 1600-1947 by Christopher Clark
John Dies at the End by David Wong
✦The Last Days of Pompeii by Edward Bulwer-Lytton, Bar.
On Man in the Universe by Artistotle
Notes from the Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky
Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
Raintree County by Ross Lockridge, Jr.
Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe
Saga of the Light: Wolfskin by Julliet Marillier
Selected Poems by Robert Browning
✦The Spell of the Rockies by Enos A Mills
The Spymaster by E. Phillips Oppenheim
The Sundering: Banewreaker by Jacqueline Carey
The Sundering: Godslayer by Jacqueline Carey
Super Sleuths (compilation of known fictional detectives)
A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
Under the Dome by Stephen King
✦ books in terrible condition and thus unable to be read
... I need to get these all knocked out before I can even think about getting more books (and besides, when I get back from the South, I'll have my books from Louisiana and I know there was a pile in there that I need to finish reading...).
If anyone discovers my body under a pile of books, just leave me there, I'm probably just napping.
derp. Somehow it has been a month since I've last posted. How did that happen?
Anyway, doing all right. Doing things. And things.
I remain obscure because these things are still in transition.
But this is a shout-out so people don't worry about me being dead or something. herp.
JEVA IS SUCH A CRYBABY. burst into tears over this
... I suddenly miss my cat Blackie. She was a, surprise, black cat. She was born in a litter of kitten that included Brownie, a brown cat. Brownie was originally my kitten but my older sister didn't like Blackie since she was a sickly kitten. So we traded.
Blackie lived to be 15 years old. During the last parts of her life, she was an out-door cat. She would always come up to me for pets and purrs and loves and nuzzles. And even though she wasn't the healthiest cats--she was always sneezy no matter what treatment was given to her, I loved her all the same.
When I was younger and she was still an indoor cat, whenever I would be crying and feeling lonely, Blackie would come in and push her head against me, looking for pets and giving me reassurance that I wasn't alone.
All the cats I've knows up to now have never done that for me.
With all the hormonal nostalgia lately, I just really miss having a friend like that. Animal or otherwise.
I miss you, Blackie.
and now everyone knows why jeva likes black cat emoticons and such
Updating to say I'm alive and that my subconscious is being a dick, giving me I AM DISAPPOINT IN YOU dreams. Which are always lovely, by the way. Yesterday, Barack Obama was DISAPPOINT at me. Today it was my parents.
You're such a cheater, subconscious.
Beyond this I am... me.
I'd go more in depth like I meant to last night so you all could have an idea of what's been going on, but I'm too drained from the DISAPPOINT dreams to do much of anything except grump right now.
I have a dentist appointment in 4 1/2 hours and I can't sleep.
Well, I'll nap at least.
I HAVE MADE A RESOLUTION!
... I WILL BEGIN TO WRITE 2,000 WORDS A DAY. EVERYDAY.
SO FAR FOR 8/1/11, I HAVE WRITTEN OVER 300 WORDS!
Hey, if Jack London and Stephen King have used/can use this method, than I certainly can too.
Don't judge me.
I have 20+ original story ideas (some from as far back as 2002) to finish hashing out and fleshing out and editing. HOW COULD I POSSIBLY NOT HAVE SOMETHING TO WORK ON ANYTIME SOON?
Though I am suddenly wishing I had my original stories that are scribbled on paper back in Louisiana here with me in Seattle.
. . . we'll see how it goes.
Anyway, TO BED WITH ME NOW.
Back from Portland and back to work. Derpderp. I miss my vacation already.
Could I find a creepier manic icon?
I AM GOING TO PORTLAND, YOU GUYS. BY TRAIN. UNTIL TUESDAY.
IT WILL BE A GLORIOUS ADVENTURE.
I'M SURE THE PORTLANDERS WILL BE THRILLED TO SEE ME.