... I am so not used to being up this early when having slept at night.

Okay. So.

Apparently, I get 5 hours of sleep no matter if it's one or two sleep aid tablets. Mrrrh. Ah well, I feel well-rested for the first time in AGES. And uh. Yeah, awake since 6:30AM-ish.

Will probably end up passing out around 1PM for a nap, though. My naps actually help me more than what people say. Hey, if I can get two to three hours of sleep in a nap during the day and then sleep 5 hours at night, that = 8 hours a day. I CAN DO THAT.

But yeah, am now running out to take care of Zekkie, Sara and Andrea's puppy-dog. Ahahaha... usually when I go off to take care of her in the early morning, I'm like some sort of insane zombie and just let her drag me around, barely there mentally. XD

After that, it's back to my dorm to finish reading over this stuff about 18th century French literature which I then have to summarize, IN DEPTH--dunno how one does that so I'm just jotting down notes of what I think are important and am going to submit that, mrrh. And after that... well, depending on the time, I'll either work on that short story I have to finish before the end of the quarter and the 3 poems for my Creative Writing class or take a nap. Whichever one. If I don't write, I'll work on that tomorrow--SINCE IT'S MY DAY OFF. \o

... Sunday is for writing and also reading that other French printout thing I have. Then I'll probably be posting in CFUD because ahaha, I fail at not being able to keep up with things as well as I should.

TWO MORE WEEKS UNTIL THIS SCHOOL YEAR ENDS. \o

And now I'm off~
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And yet I'm actually getting things done. I cleaned up half of my room (6 Walmart bags of garbage, wrrrry), I put away my fics that have been laying out on the floor for two weeks (how they didn't get totally messed up, I do not know), and I printed out and studied over my French some (I even am HIGHLIGHTING things! I never do such a thing!).

S-so yeah.

I also printed out one of the stories I have to critique by Thursday and did my FAFSA and all of that. So I'm getting things done. Tomorrow is for 1) critiques, 2) finishing the goddamn short story even if it sucks, 3) studying Chemistry, and 4) ... going to class and work.

J-jeez this is what I get from being totally unmotivated to being insanely mobile in this sort of thing. I think it has to do with the fact that I have a phone now. Zomg. Having phone = win. I feel like I'll be on time for everything now. *is an insecure little bugger*

So yeah. Going to bed now. Am waking up at 7AM or so to cram more of this French literature stuff into my head, and then off to class with me!

... I-I might have to put up a semi-haitus for CFUD... you know, until I get a system down or something.

I'll do that tomorrow, I think...

*goes to pass out*
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Y halo thar kind of sick feeling with a side of mucus in the back of my throat. I have not missed you this weekend, so can you kindly go fuck off?

Srsly, I really don't like the fact that I have to deal with this sort of thing all day. It's really getting annoying. I'm not sick. My body obviously thinks I am. It drives me crazy.

In other news, I completely fail at life.

... no reason for that comment.

Moving on.

I need to get my Chemistry book soon. Like... this week or by next Wednesday AT THE LATEST. Especially considering my first test in that class is next Thursday and ahahaha... I can pass only if I can review over the things we learned in class because I fail at keeping my attention for long in Chemistry--except when my prof does fun stuff. Then I can't deviate my attention to something else.

Yeah.

No idea what we'll be doing in Creative Writing today. Ah well. Always fun to find out when I get there.

Lessee, what else?

... I need to clean my room sometime.

Also, I need to poke Andrea about the going around town to get stuff done thing. Which means I need to find that email with those addresses and such...

Blargh.

And now I'll be goofing around until I have to go to class.

Poke me if ya want!


EDIT: Oh, btw. Internet in the dorm is still down, apparently, so am in comp lab. If that explains anything.
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Am currently in my Creative Writing class, working on my "short story"... which I dunno how long it'll be. So far it's less than two pages, so... >.>;;;

And he tells me that there's no limit.

Ahahaha...

Okay yeah. BACK TO WRITING!

\o/


EDIT: Out of class early. Power went out in GTM, Wyly Tower, and the Bookstore. Probably some other buildings too.

Just overheard someone say that it's because we've got tornado watches in effect for a time and the wind is blowing like crazy outside.

... I have my counseling session at 4PM, so am waiting it out in Tolliver Hall for the time being, messing around on the computers and such. Also, food. Need food. *has not eaten anything of real substance since yesterday at 4PM*

So yeah. Just a heads up on what I'm up to!
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Well, I'm not sure actually, but I think I'm pretty much done with being a hermit for now. Sorry to make everyone worry and, you know, stuff, but I am feeling much better than I was earlier in the week, that's for sure!

Still, I have that "I'm stuck, I'm stuck, I'm stuck" mantra running through my head, but you know? I think I'll just try to ignore it until I can actually do something about it. Because right now? Not much I can do. I've got obligations here. School. Work. ... yeah, pretty much only those two but they're important. Education = degree = better chance at getting better paid job (SALARY?!) = more money = more chances to get out = freedom.

And I don't know if I'm throwing all that out because I want to believe it or... well, it's my idea of how things should go anyway.

Besides all of that, though, my apathy is less than it was a few days ago--hell, two nights ago. Which is a relief for me. Those fits of apathy of mine tend to freak me out a bit. Yeah, I know it's a way how I cope with what all's going on around me and whatnot and most of this was just me trying to recover and rebuild myself from what all happened in the Winter, but still... I don't like getting like that. Numbness is a scary thing. You don't feel anything. And that in itself is very frightening for a person like me.

I don't care if I just feel pain, I want to feel something. Numbness... is the scariest thing ever. There's no sensation, no feelings, nothing. Makes me scared to think what I could do during those apathetic fits of mine...

So yeah. I ended up going to Keeny Hall on Thursday after my Creative Writing class and scheduling a session. Tuesday, March 18th at 4PM. Maybe I'll be able to talk it out with counselor-dude and figure out a way to better deal with things than becoming a hermit. Then again, it's probably the best coping method for me. Some time and space for myself where I can relax my act, at least breathe a bit more comfortably behind the masks I wear... not having to perform for others is a huge relief, actually.

Because I do put on an act a lot. I know it's the not the most honest thing to do, but well... sometimes I can't tell if I'm acting or not, if it's any consolation? Getting harder to tell what's the real me and what's the mask...

And that's a completely new can of worms best left shut for a while longer. I mean, I've talked about it before, so you guys can understand.

As for what's been going on IRL...

Last night was kickass. There was a tornado warning and my dormitory was forced to go to the basement. I called up Andrea and asked if Sara and she felt safe enough at home and, if they didn't, they should come on over. And they did. Sara was a bit freaked out because she hadn't thought the weather had been that bad. Andrea... we almost had to drag her scrawny ass into the building because she was staring at the lightning dancing across the sky, going, "O pretty~"

... not that I have room to talk. Me and another girl from the dorm were standing just inside the building, peering through the glass and going, "Oooooo! Aaaaaaa!" at the light show. Ahahaha. I can't help it. That kind of thing... watching the fury of nature at its worse... it's kind of thrilling really. Especially when Andrea's all like, "I wanna chase the tornado!" and I was all, "CAN I COME TOO?!" Sara, our level-headed one of our trio, firmly said no. So Andrea pouted and I got in the car after it was all over and we followed the storm system just far enough to stare at the lightning some more.

We're all sorts of speshial, yes.

In school, I've been pretty good! Having only three classes is a huge relief. French is a literature course and I've actually been doing my homework... somewhat. Creative Writing is just... fun. Jeez, I dunno why they can't offer this course more often. It's fucking wonderful. Course, the professor has this "No Scifi. No Fantasy," rule so... And the first assignment was about unique names of characters and I turned in a fun little snippet that's not canonically part of my story Minskir. Will post that up on motsdejeva later today. The best part? Most of the corrections that he wrote on my paper were typos, grammatical errors, and comma splices (only one of them, surprisingly). Maybe he did that with the other people but considering that I wrote that little scene up 15 minutes before class? Yeah. Made me feel good. Also, he liked the fact that Minskir stood for "minor skirmish" and then later on became also short for "miniskirt." Ahahaha~

Helps with my worn-down self-esteem some, yes.

As for Chemistry...

Chemistry is boring. I dunno why but while I find science interesting to learn and all, having to sit there and do the chemical equations and stuff is just boring. I have no interest in it whatsoever. And yet I love how my professor goes on little anecdotes in order to relate scientific things to us. Like we're talking about waves--light waves and such--and he brings up the microwave oven and then explained exactly how a microwave oven works. Which is kickass. Also, we talked about radio waves and how waves can cancel each other out resulting in dead-air on the radio and such and he went into a spiel about how he almost got put into an international sports magazine but Dale Earnhardt's death completely ruined that because the issue was dedicated entirely to the race car driver.

So yeah. It's been... really good at school. I'm not stressing out over assignments. I'm actually getting things done (even if they're sort of last-minute) and just... yeah.

And I'll get into work in my next post. For now, I think this is enough. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm doing better now and I'm coming back out of the woodwork and will be posting daily again now. Because I know you guys missed me and all~

... you did, right?

But yeah. Hope you all have been doing well! I've been keeping track of my flist and all during my antisocial bit but yeah... things can happen and you might not talk about them, so here's to hoping you all are doing well also!
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This Spring quarter looks like it's gonna be fun!

Got my first homework in my Writing class~

Have to write a page or two double-spaced about characters with a unique history to their name.

Minskir immediately came to mind.

Problem is, I have NO idea what to write.

|D

Ah well. Luckily, the next class isn't until Tuesday. Huzzah~ \o/!

And now I eat my lunch and laze around for the rest of the day~
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