This also means I won't be on tonight because I will be reading some French work that I need to read instead of ignoring that in favor of RPing. (Boo.)
So yeah. Uh...
Will be on when I can be on tomorrow! ... most likely!
Zomg, fast interwebs again. \o
Anyway, that's that for now~!
EDIT: Okay, I lied.
.
Note to self: Never. EVER buy Vault at night. EVER. Even if you just tell yourself it's for tomorrow because you need to make it through your classes. You will just end up drinking it all and then be buzzing around hyperly for all night and then crash and then fuck up your sleep schedule.
And especially don't buy TWO OF THEM and then proceed to GUZZLE THEM RIGHT DOWN AT 10PM ON A MONDAY NIGHT.
...
Sob.
BUT THAT'S TOTALLY OKAY BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE A COUPLE OF DAYS LEFT BEFORE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS. HUZZAH!
B-but I'm not going to have a perfect attendance score for classes this week. Baw.
I'm going to try to not do this to myself again but I probably won't be able to fix my sleep schedule to something more sane this week. I'll just have to push on through it and attend classes even if I'm falling asleep.
... and I have a Chemistry test tomorrow. Sob.
Also, can I say here right here and now that I feel like a horribly ignorant person? I know that I can come across as one, especially when I "argue" points others are trying to make. Common misconception, that. It's not so much that I argue against these points. I argue for the sake of debate because sometimes people hand me new information that does not match with the old information I've been given.
I dunno.
Older adults always used to tell me how bright a kid I was. Hell, they still do it for time to time, but now I'm left wondering if it's just because of where I live. Because oh you silly Americans, you're so close-minded and you only think of yourselves~ Believe me, this is a line I hear a lot thanks to being in foreign language courses and the like. And sometimes it's not really said but ho boy is it implied. Mostly by people in my class, sometimes even my French professor DeMattos. But, you know... he's French. Not that he means it horribly negatively. Just that he wants to teach us what our education system apparently neglects to teach us. HARD TO DESCRIBE THIS RELATIONSHIP but that's sorta how the Franco-American relationship goes?
I dunno. I always thought it was a bit unfair that I've only ever lived in one place. But I don't think I'd trade where I was born? I just wish I could have had more opportunities to travel and study and... just whatever.
Meh. I think I'm going to head to bed here in a bit. And only get ~5 hours. Definitely not more. That way I will actually be TIRED at the appropriate time rather than staying up into all hours of the night.
AND NO SUGAR OR CAFFEINE OR WHAT HAVE YOU, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ME.
EDIT: Changing my mind. Am staying up and attending my class at 9:30, damn it. Even if it kills me. Or something.
God I feel so failtastic. I blame certain people who shall go unnamed for the time being YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
.
M-mostly because I didn't punk out of attending class because I was tired and wanted to sleep in. This has been a chronic problem of mine since last Winter a-and I'm finally defeating it. \o;;
Beyond that, I was able to get a nap in before band.
In band we played Bach's Prelude and Fugue in A-flat and jfsdahksa I love Bach. :< I want to listen to some classical music now.
And just the random happy hyperness of pre-Christmas break.
All of this in spite of my female body rebelling against me. CURSE YOU, BODY OF MINE. *waves fist at*
... who wants/needs cuddles right now? I feel very much like snuggling with people.
.
I also love how when I didn't understand what the hell the professor was talking about (lolz, quantum numbers and atomic electron structure and such), he went, "Okay. So it's like this [insert explaining here]. Okay?" "... I think so? ???" "... okay, you're smiling but you still look lost." "I-I don't GET it!" "... r-read the book, okay?" "... kay. ._."
Sob. I'll probably get it when I read over the sections in preparations for the test next week (DEAR GOD ALREADY WHY?!) b-but yeah. Last Spring I failed this VERY SAME COURSE, mostly because I didn't attend classes and when I did, I didn't pay attention, and I also lacked the critical source of THE TEXT BOOK.
S-so, I hope everything will work out because I DID get it somewhat better at the end. Just... stupid long-ass line of numbers and letters to show electrons and valence electron placements...
Like for instance: Na -> 1s²2s²2p(^6)3s¹ or [Ne]3s¹
... sob.
Anyway, running off to French class now. Orz.
I'll whine more about science later. :<
.
Thank you, Hetalia fandom. You make history so very fun.
Also, it's kind of weird having to tell a person older than I am that, yes, the French did help a whole bunch during the American Revolution. ... though admittedly, we had some fun hijinks involving guerrilla warfare before we got more support. XD
.
At least you don't have to worry about tornadoes.
Lolololorz...
I was completely soaked this morning, thanks to the heavy rain. And on top of that, the sky was greenish and the weather channel said something about a tornado watches. Well, the rain petered off and now it's starting up again and... more tornado watches and now warnings! All afternoon even!
And they still haven't canceled classes.
Lolz, Louisiana, lolz.
But thankfully, I'm in dry clothes and in my dorm.
But I have a class at 2PM across campus.
Ahahahaha!
Orz.
*wants to just crawl in bed and not have to worry about things*
Oh, and I actually paid attention in Chemistry today. I should get props. It felt like he was speed-talking through light wave formulas though and fkdsjalfkdjsfa... D: But luckily, I have my Chemistry book and I should be able to keep up this quarter--I WILL PASS THIS DAMN CLASS EVEN IF SCIENCE IS SOMETHING I'M NOT ESPECIALLY FOND OF.
In addition to that, I adore my Shakespeare class. He gives history lectures before getting into the literature. Props to him! Makes it easier to analyze the text and whatnot. Also fun times, fun times.
... note to self: dry out French 305 book and French Dictionary that got wet thanks to my booksack getting wet.
Now if only I can keep up this kind of paying attention and motivation to pass my classes. Aiming for A's this quarter. Need to recover my GPA and all...
Yeah. Fun times, fun times.
ETA: Ahahaha, I realize now that I am a Scrooge around Christmas time. Less about the not wanting to share gifts and such and more about the frowning and scowling at the love and whatnot that goes on during this holiday. Because it makes me feel even more sad and alone than my little sister likes to point me out as being.
Ah ha... good thing I've scheduled a counselor session for next Monday because... until I go home, I'm going to be feeling the I'M ALONEness and then when I'm home... yeah, I'll be expecting possible drama. You know. Family tradition or something.
... yeah. And before anyone can say it, I'm aware how attention-getting and needy this all sounds. Not intended that way. It's simply an observation because: All. The. Friends. I've. Made. IRL. Have. Moved. Away. And. Continued. On. With. Their. Lives. Meanwhile. I. Am. Stuck. Here. For. A. Whole. 'Nother. Year. And. A Half.
Right. *wanders off*
.
This means that I went the whole weekend surviving on two or three things of ramen.
... yey.
Also, I smartly decided to watch cooking shows Sunday night. Emeril, some American Iron Chef, some other Food Network show...
Needless to say that I was (still am, actually, gonna go eat here shortly) hungry. And had nothing to eat and no money to get food. ;o;
Luckily, I recovered my ID this morning and got a quick snack before going into my French class with DeMattos fully prepared! I read Madame de Staël's biography as well as François-René de Chateaubriand's biography and Le Mal du siècle, which is an excerpt from his work René (which I just read a summary of on wikipedia and wtf that ending).
Read all of that and we didn't even touch on any of these things in class today DX
Oh, well. I'm pretty prepared for when we do go over them in class. STAYING ONE STEP AHEAD, BOHAHAHAHA!
Also, I have 2 articles I have to read and then present to my class, so people on my flist who have knowledge of French: aidez-moi, s'il vous plaît? I'll probably write a post on them whenever I get around to them.
Also, am out of hermit more, sort of. I'm feeling kind of detached from the internet and, in relation, RPing. So... I think it'll get better once I get everything all balanced out. I seem to go through phases on this. It'll pass~ It'll pass~
And now for a meme!
Your Spiritual Number is Five |
 You bring adventure and change to people's lives. You are willing to challenge your friends and push them to grow. Right now, your life is about figuring out where to direct your energy. If you're not careful, you can become too unreliable or flighty. You need the perfect project. You live a free form life - which allows you to be very innovative and a great problem solver. Rules, schedules, and structure practically destroy you. You have to do things your own way. |
... eeeeeeeeeeeh.
EDIT: Corndog, fries, chicken creole, and a salad later, I feel more alive. Not full, really, but no feasts after a famine and all that.
.
Interesting day. Just gonna say that I'm not going to be doing the staying up all night thing because I'm scared I'll oversleep and miss my early-morning classes again.
Reason being is that I now have an alarm clock.
That hopefully works. I just bought it but LOLZ.
So yeah, uh. Went down the list of things I could use for an alarm last night with a few people in chan. Short of it is, my cellphone is dead and charger is two hours away, I have no computer, I don't really have any friends that would wake me up (shhhhh, Sara. the phone's dead, remember?), and my DS is... somewhere. In my room. And I have no idea where.
So ahahaha. Orz. Yeah. Can has alarm clock. Hopefully won't be pulling this kind of thing anymore.
IN OTHER NEWS, I love having retarded songs stuck in my head. It's just kind of funny.
Insert whining about lack of inspiration here.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand... I think that's it.
I MAY OR MAY NOT BE PULLING A HERMIT MODE THING THIS WEEKEND. MOSTLY BECAUSE I NEED TO READ A LOT OF FRENCH AND ALSO BECAUSE I WANT TO STUDY UP ON TWO LANGUAGES I'VE STARTED BUT HAVEN'T REALLY GOTTEN ANYWHERE WITH YET. This is entirely relevant to that one post where I mentioned picking up a fourth... sorta. We'll see how it goes, in any case.
Aaaand that's the long and short of it for the time being.
... I feel like such an awesome dork when I use Prussia icons.
ETA: THEWHATILIKEABOUTYOUMEME ✖ my thread
.
... if that makes any sense at all.
Yes, basically, I'm flailing about my French class with DeMattos this quarter. It is scarily like the class I nearly bombed in the Spring and... I really hope to do better in this class. I plan to actually do my readings and get all my assignments done on time but... yeah. I dunno. PARANOIA!
Orz...
I should probably get some food so I can not feel sickish at the thought of it being like last year. Orz orz orz...
ETA: ... my icon makes me want to write some FrancisArthur fic... taking place during the Norman invasion and Francis is teaching Arthur French (because we all know from the kink meme that that kind of thing is hot).
And now I worry what my parents will think if they read this post--OH WELL.
ETA 2: 2:18PM - Well, it's official. I am crazy. *continues to ponder studying the beginnings of her fourth foreign language*
Currently I have: French, Spanish, and Japanese. Note that I do not claim to be fluent in any of these, just that I know some of them and could probably get by in a country with the first two languages. Japanese I mostly can read hiragana and understand some of it when it's spoken to me. Couldn't write it or speak it for beans, though.
... orz. Some day, I will be an eclectic knowledge of foreign languages. Or something.
On my list to get around to studying some day: German, Russian, Gaelic, Greek, Latin, Italian, Chinese, Korean... Need moar languages. Yosh.
I'm also amused when my friend Patrick claims that Southern!US!English is its own language. Also, l337. *snerk*
.
French class today was amazing in the fact that ma prof got locked out of her preferred classroom, so we had to go elsewhere and thus commences one of the most entertaining classes of this year! The topic of discussion today was le e muet, the silent E which is either pronounced with an "uh"-ish sound, par exemple le sond e dans "venir", or is at the end of a word and is silent-ish, comme le mot "je" ou "que".
Of course we had loads of fun when we got to the exercise where we had to not pronounce the E and kind of stumbled our way through saying phrases like "Tu te moques de ce que je pense," wherein some E's are silent and the others are pronounced. In this phrase the E's in the words "te", "moques", "ce", "je", and "pense" (the final E for "pense", that is) all have silent E's. So the sentence reads more like "Tu t'moqu'de c'que j'pens." Or something. IT'S HARD TO DESCRIBE WITHOUT THE PHONETIC ALPHABET THING.
But yeah. So much fun with that. Especially when I had to read a column of words aloud and ma prof goes all, "... D: How come you can do it so easily?" at me. Because she keeps saying le e muet and ahahaha. Fun stuff.
This up mood of course has nothing to do with the fact that I had over 12 hours of sleep and it was warmer today than yesterday. No, not at all.
... my sleep schedule is fucked because I go without sleep, get four hours, get four hours, then another 12 hours, then no sleep, then four hours, then four hours, etc, etc, ad nauseum...
Sob.
But anyway, fun times in French class and now I'm just chilling and... god, tomorrow is going to suck if I can't get to bed at a decent hour (i.e. not 4AM) tonight. I'll have to get some sleep aid to help me with that. Because I have busy busy day tomorrow thanks to that damn Homecoming parade the band has to be in. Did I mention how much I hate Homecoming? And especially ones that are on Halloween weekend? Yeah.
I always love me shallow homecomings where all the girls look the same--this is why I was awed by this story I saw on Glenn Beck the other night (it's been ages since I've seen his show, really), where a girl with Down Syndrome got the crown. Although it does make me sad to think some people probably voted with a pity vote, but I think that girl deserved it more than some of the barbies who tend to get the crown. Bleh.
No offense to anyone on my flist who has ever been Homecoming Queen. I'm a bitter (mostly because of other things not involving the Homecoming thing at all, really), unpopular girl who never gets awards though mostly because I don't try for any of them.
But aside from my being disgruntled about Homecoming this weekend, I'm just all set and ready for the quarter to end so I can go and visit my sisters and brother-in-law and baby nephew WHO IS FREAKISHLY TALL. He's up to my hip already and he's only TWO. Big boy is big! D'awwwww.
Anyway, leaving the post here before I babble about something else!
.
In addition, I made Wind Ensemble (top band) in Band. Not too much to cheer over since there was only 4 bass clarinets, including myself. And I made second chair in the band, so...
But still +$75 per quarter, huzzah~ Not only that but at least I won't be bored to tears and feel like not showing up for band this year. Definitely not. This is top band. We get the fun stuff. And by fun, I mean difficult. And hopefully I won't suck so hard because there's another bass clarinet unlike my sophomore year.
Also, happy to note that setting my alarm clock two hours before I have to get up is A++ idea. Because I reset it for an hour and then another hour and then go to myself, "... okay, you've slept long enough." Huzzah for tactics like that being used to keep me from over sleeping \o
I also ended up offering my services as a French major to help out someone I knew in high school with their French since they have to take 2 more courses of it. I uh... dunno if this was a good idea or not, because I avoid people I knew in high school like the plague but siiiigh. Oh well.
And that is all for now. Hope everyone's day is going well~
.
Also because I need to read a chapter or two for my history class tomorrow.
As for how things have been today? Meh. Not too bad. Could be better but I'm guessing that's mostly because it feels like my brain is like sliding around in my head and is ready to come out of an ear or an eye or something.
... I love saying morbidly gross things like that.
Une autre chose, c'est mon progrès avec français. \o Ma prof says that I'm doing a lot better orally than I've ever done and this is A++ and I am in a happy place right now in regards to that sort of thing.
Now to fix myself up in History and English. Orz.
Anyway, night all!
.
But yeah, not having such a good day. Thankfully, History class was mostly painless today and I only have to get through English and then a band audition and then I can go and do... something. Not killing my brain.
But yeah, nearly started whimpering at the idea of lasting through these events and then as I walked out of the caf, behold. There was a twenty dollar bill. And lo but then I took it and spent it to get me caffeine.
... yes, I'm a horrible person who found $20 on the floor and didn't bother trying to find its owner. Lemme alone. I also need $5 from this $20 to get me a bass clarinet reed so nyuh.
Beyond that, guys, I have no idea if I'm going to drown before the end of this quarter or not. It turns out I might have to serve community service time or something because of the drinking escapade and I'm only doing well in band and french atm and...
I have 5 books in my booksack all about King Richard the Lionhearted and King John, his brother. This is for my history paper. I, of course, will be needing to get a handle on my English paper very soon and just sob.
Can Fall be over already?
.
But yeah. Still drowsy from that.
I think I'm getting my motivation and interest in my subjects back again. I dunno why but for the past couple of weeks I just haven't been able to focus, I've been missing some classes because of idiotic things like oversleeping and the like... and well, now I'm buckling down again and such.
And I find myself tired. A good kind of tired, though, I guess.
But you know, a point of interest I have at the moment is the history of Empires or maybe I should say the men who led them on to greatness?
For example, in the western world back in the day, there was Alexander the Great, Augustus Caesar, and Charlemagne. I know for sure they're three great figures in history considering Alexander conquered everything from Greece to India (in less than ten years, isn't that right?), Augustus expanded the Roman empire and had such influence, and Charlemagne expanded the French territory and established the French royalty, I guess you can say?
Except when I think about all of this, in terms of western world conquerors and such (because back in those times, Europe was The World, as silly as that seems now), there's a huge gap in my thinking (which I blame on being half-asleep or something, really), between Charlemagne and Napoleon. And then again between Napoleon and Hitler, but that's more because of the fact that during that time period was when nations were all about national identity and making their own empires around the globe.
... I dunno, I just find this kind of thing interesting. I wish I knew more about eastern world history because I feel sorely deprived and missing more than a few moments in history I should know about.
But things like how western civilization has seen the rise and fall of several different empires, each one taking from the other (Egypt -> Greece -> Rome -> France -> England -> US? [hey, people have compared us to Rome right before the time of its fall]), has always been of an interest to me. Same way how lines of mentors and students like with Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, and Alexander the Great have always been a point of interest to me.
I dunno.
Hey, guys who have an interest in history, care to help me fill in the gaps? I might be doing some research of my own if only to satisfy my curiosity on the matter.
ETA: ... now I'm wondering why exactly I have an interest in people in history who've attempted to conquere the world.
And why the hell did Hitler go after Russia when it failed miserably when Napoleon tried it anyway? Not only that, but he had already been fighting a battle on at least two or three fronts. So why turn and run and try to take Russia out? I still never get that in WWII history. Had to be the stupidest mistake he could have made.
Though I guess you could look back at those ancient emperors and kings and say the same for them if you can find the moments where they royally screwed up but haa... most of those empires and kingdoms remained strong for generations--until you had characters like Nero in Rome. Or even Louis XV in France--seriously, how the hell did you get a genius like Louis XIV one generation, a frivolous king like Louis XV who wasted money on social events and such the next, and then end that line with Louis XVI who... just wasn't meant to be a leader in that respect (and let's face it, thanks to his predecessor and the depression at the time, he didn't really stand a chance)?
Though I guess if you look throughout history you'll see something like that. How one generation was strong enough to keep everything together but then it all falls apart in the next. Like with Alfred the Great and how he was able to at least begin to unify the English people and established the burgs and such and was able to keep things together but when he was gone, his sons couldn't keep up with it. Actually the same happened for Charlemagne, didn't it? Because France ended up getting split into three and then the sons squabbled over who got what and then two of them conspired against the third and...
... why do I have a fascination with this sort of thing. No. Really. I really wonder why.
.
[Azuma] s'abonner a mes services ce soir, Kuroyan :D
[Basara] why are you pimping yourself out
|D
Yes, I am feeling very up this evening. Proooobably because good things have been happening or something. Maybe it's because I've actually had two decent meals today. Though... breakfast was kind of dinner for me, considering I stayed up till around 8 or 9AM.
Good thing is though that I set my alarm to 1PM so that if I wanted more sleep, I could just reset my clock to another hour. And I told myself I wasn't allowed to wake up past 4PM because I had stuff to do before my French class at 5PM.
Well, whatd'ya know. It worked. I was awake by 3:30PM, took a shower, worked on that assignment that needed working on before French, and then there was French class in which I was able to pronounce things a hell of a lot better than I used to and just kgajflkfd loooove.
Also, I'm able to help my oldest sister get herself a car. Of course this means I'll be short $240 until the 22nd, but that's totally cool because big sister getting a car \o
I still find it amusing how the economy is falling down around us and yet my family seems to doing better than ever. Here's to hoping we're not going to get kicked in the balls for it because, man, we so deserve this after those bad years.
In other news, I got to eat beef for dinner tonight! Om nom nom. The Caf had beef and I wanted so bad because I haven't had red meat in like forever. So mashed potatoes + gravy + green peas + beef + two slices of cheese pizza.
... I r totally healthy, yo.
But yeah. On top of all of that, my sore throat issue is virtually gone. And I was right that it was a nasal drainage thing because now my nose is slightly stuffed. Oh jeez whiz. Why didn't I notice this sooner?
So yeah. Am happy, am hyper, am also a little drowsy but we all know I end up becoming wired around 10PM or some crazy hour, but I also have me some Tylenol PM that I can take whenever I go back to my dorm if I can't fall asleep.
Ah... ups are so much better than downs~
.
Okay. Really. I play with my hair, fiddle around with my pen, bounce my knee, bite my nails, chew on my lip because it helps me focus better. I don't care if you think it's unsanitary for me to chew on my pens and my nails or if you find it distracting. It helps me and I'm not bothering anyone. It's probably a pet peeve of yours as well but like I said, it helps me focus. Would you rather I sit there like a zombie and do what I used to do in my high school science classes and just space out until the end of class? No, I really don't think you do want that for me. But that's what ends up happening when I don't have something else to do while I listen to lectures.
Another thing. Notes? I take notes a certain way because I have a good memory. So all I really need are names and dates and key information, really. I write those down in class and sit back and listen to the lecture. I am then able to, after class, write out in detail what was said during the lecture. Why do I do it this way? Because I don't like writing in short-hand and writing it long-handedly takes too long and I usually end up missing out on what is said and get behind in my notes.
So dear history professor of mine, please excuse me if you don't like how I do my note-taking but it's pretty much the system I developed after having numerous lecture courses and it works for me.
Please don't tell me I'll be screwed for the essay exam just because I do things a different way than you're used to.
... arrrgh. I hate it when professors get on my case about how I do things. I take notes! Fairly accurate ones, even! Just--fsdjhahfa AGH LAY OFF PLEASE?
ETA: Oh, fuck you, Tech email. Just fuck you.
Son of ETA: Haaa... always feels nice to clean out email accounts~ *just finished a deleting spree~*
.
Not only that but I completely aced that test today in French. Memorizing the phonetic alphabet isn't too hard, actually! And it all really depends on the letters used and the sounds they make usually. I mean, sure. I got the phonetic symbols for words like "dernier" wrong but over all, I'm not doing so bad!
And really, this phonetics and pronunciation course is helping me loads. It's really building my self confidence up better than any other course has. Because a lot of my insecurities with languages has always been if I'm saying it right and with my knowing the phonetics better, I'm able to sound out the words better--in my head and aloud. Because French is full of those goddamn silent letters and all. At least in Spanish and Japanese, what you see is what you get basically (except when it comes to kanji, sure), and just.
I'm feeling kind of proud of myself. I'm kind of scared to feel this way because things tend to go downhill if I get too confident in myself--superiority complex in the making, I swear this is why I have an inferiority complex, to balance things out.
But yeah. Things like this make me think it might actually be possible to get an apprenticeship or internship somewhere. And if not either of those, then at least a scholarship to study abroad. Especially since I'm not as willing to half-ass last-minutely do things.
I dunno. This year has been way better than last year so far. I'm just hoping it'll stay that way.
And yeah, putting this out here, but I love you guys for putting up with my self-pity parties. I know it seems like I whine continuously but really, my self-esteem has gotten a lot better.
In fact, today I got other shit that needed to get done done. Apparently the dentist I went to when staying with
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
sannask and horatio09 this summer is sending me a bill. Why? I already paid my bill, right? Uh, no. My dad's insurance company/job people's are being asshats again and insisting that I'm not a full-time student. (With 13 hours, I'd better damn well be considered a full-time student.) So my sister and I went and took care of that around 4PM today. Then I went upstairs in Keeny Hall to get an appointment with my counselor (since I missed my first one because lol surpraise band rehearsal at 4 instead of 4:30).October 6th, I have an appointment at 11AM. Early, but why the hell not? I have Art Appreciation around that time anyway.
And yeah. I should've called the HP people and get the buying-a-new-laptop thing out of the way today but I didn't get around to it. So tomorrow, I'm going to be trying to get on that. And once everything involving the computer gets squared away, I can probably use the rest of the money to buy winter clothes and new shoes (because I have nothing but old (and by old, I mean over a year old and completely worn out) tennis shoes and one pair of Mudds that, while fitting and comfy and such, is already kind of falling apart when my older sister Shorty bought them for me for my bday, wtf) and maybe things like an iPod and a new digital camera. I am sort of lacking in the hi-tech department, anyway.
Not counting the money that I need to send to Sanna and Joe, I have around $500 in my bank. Now, I dunno how the computer people want to do things--a downpayment of some-odd amount and then the monthly installments pay or what--but hopefully it won't be more than $300 there. And then the $200 can be used for whatever. Or something. I dunno.
Aaah... this is the first time in a week I've been on the up and up in my mood. And last time, it had probably been months since I was that happy and relax and with-it about things. Just... I have no clue why the positive attitude but it feels nice. At least better than late Saturday night when I was talking with my friend Miguel who... I love him like a bro but I probably shouldn't have told him a lot of the things I did.
I dunno. I've been needing to open up to more people here since the only two people who know me as well as I know myself pretty much, IRL, are gone and I can't interact with them in person anymore. That's part of the reason I got kind of depressed this past week actually. The whole going stir-crazy and no one to talk about it with or anything because that would mean admitting I'm a different kind of person than I like to pretend I am. ... which is probably why I come across as a tight-ass a lot.
Meh. I'll work it out. Talking with Miguel was a step in the right direction, hopefully. I dunno if I can trust myself to do it with anyone else any time soon but at least I know someone's sort of got my back... even though I haven't talked with him since that night really. But Miguel's always kind of had my back. Especially sophomore year when I was stressing about my solos in Wind Ensemble. God, I nearly cried at him so many times, it's not even funny.
But yeah. One step at a time. Building up my esteem and working harder on my languages... actually reading my assignments--which I haven't really done but I need to read Bede for English History because we have a discussion tomorrow that is worth a lot of grade points and even if I'm good at BSing that sort of thing, I actually do want to know what the hell they're talking about. These kinds of things that I've been kind of ignoring for the past... well... since before high-school really. Man, I do love it when I'm actually interested in my subjects rather than suffering through them like I did in Sociology and Chemistry (which would be why I made a D in one and failed the other).
... I'm surprisingly in a good place right now, but I know some other people on my flist aren't and. Well. If I could send out waves of positive feelings, I really would. Love to you guys. You have no idea how much.
And I think that's all for now. Someone beat me with a stick if my babbling gets on your nerves. Norly!
.
If you have your own view about the American politic game this year, feel free to share. But like in any public forum, please do not bash the other candidate. I don't care if you hate them and think they should burn in a fire. I do not want the wank and the clusterfuck on my LJ. Take it elsewhere. Similarly, I do respect the person now in charge of our country only because he's in charge of it. He fucks up, yes, but he's human. Get over it. Bashing does not do anything to change that he is still the president until the elections are over.
But beyond that, I do want to hear your opinions and whatnot. Feel free to link to news articles and the like about stuff like that. But please do make sure they're creditable sources or I just might right it off as plain, good ol' propaganda.
That said, my French book was insanely expensive. There is absolutely no reason my text book--which is probably less than 300 pages--costs over $100. That is just fucking insane.
But at least I have it now and ma prof won't get onto me about it. Yay for refund checks giving me monies to work with!
In other news, I may not be online until around 9 or 10PM tonight. WE SHALL SEE. Because ahahaha, anime club meeting and I'm fairly sure people will want to watch more Soul Eater and watching Soul Eater in large group always = A++.
... also shit, I need to withdraw money to pay for my membership fee. D:
Anyway, class now. Later all!
.
In other news, I need to map out when certain papers and such are due. Because I fail at keeping up with them, obviously.
( The IMPORTANT stuff for Fall '08 )
... orz.
In any case, I am lucky enough to have an idea for the topic of my History paper which has to be 10 - 12 pages. Yep. I will be writing on Richard the Lionhearted: Legend vs Reality. \o
So something to keep my interest at least~
Besides all of that: GOOD NEWS EVERYONE! MY REFUND CHECK HAS ARRIVED!
So,
sannask, horatio09? I'll be able to send you a money order some time soon. Will pester you for new mailing address whenever you guys are more settled and not all over the place and stuff.This also means that I will be able to go out and get me a new computer! HUZZAH! So I might be pestering my friend Patrick to help me out with that since he's more technologically savvy than I am.
Sob. So happy~
And I think that's all for now, except a huge BZUH?! from me when I notice that the Art Appreciation syllabus is as long as my English AND History syllabuses COMBINED. Just... what?
.
Good things that have been happening for the past month or so:
- Sleep schedule was semi-normal and regular.
- Have been able to get up and go do things.
- Have had motivation to do things (trying not to think what that motivation is lest I end up losing it again).
- Have kept my attention in classes.
- Have gotten all my school books.
- Have been social and out-going despite what some people may think (made two or three friend-like people (note to self: redefine your definition for "friend" for others again) in English and one from my dorm).
- Have been keeping up with my RPing and am even involved in Plot. Yey~
- Have had less hermit mode sessions.
- Have been more cheerful and positive-thinking.
- Have not had serious breakdown since the week after wisdom teeth removal.
- Have been happy for parents who are moving out of Louisiana and doing their own thing (with my dad getting a $10k raise, yey!)
- Have been able to resolve a lot of conflict between my younger sister and I.
... well, that was longer than I thought.
Now for the negative:
- Still continue to hate myself--in looks, thought, behavior... pretty much everything.
- Have moments where I want to just lock myself up and not go out ever again (aka Hermit-mode, which I keep denying the satisfaction).
- Have not been eating as well as I could have since band camp ended... hell, even during band camp. Am having to force myself to eat actual meals in the caf rather than continuously eating snacks like chips or crackers to stem hunger--especially during weekends.
- Have not been off-campus since I've gotten here and may be going stir-crazy.
- Have a busted laptop which makes things very frustrating but at least it gives me an excuse not to be in the dorm all day.
- Have been told by little sister that I'm anti-social and I should get out more which makes me remember just how much of an introvert I really am and thus have been forcing myself to go out and talk to other people.
- Have thrown my sleeping schedule into whack this weekend because of insomnia--couldn't sleep at all Friday night and
bentley kept me company via threading at CFUD.- Have no plans for what I should be doing to get things done and where I'm going and things of that nature and I know that eventually this will bring me more stress and I'll probably have a panic attack over it but probably not till near the end of the year.
- Have been more detached in regards to plans for the future instead. Not coping with the thoughts even though I spiel about them in my LJ.
...
I think that's pretty much it.
So. Some things have been getting better. Some have gotten worse. Still doing better compared to last year, but yeah... some of these things may be cause for worry later on.
And yes, I did eat today if you were wondering. Hamburger, fries, and a salad. With two different juices.
... that's actually the largest meal I've had this weekend.
Hmm.
.
