Whatever's wrong, you'll get through it.

Things you need to do:

- regulate sleeping habit
- regulate eating habit
- regulate pretendy funtimes
- regulate homework
- regulate winter blues
- relguate getting your hair cut

And now I'm just being stupid.

By Sunday night, I will be back on track and not fucking up.

Or I will hate myself more than usual.

*goes to pass out for now*
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So.

Interesting day. Just gonna say that I'm not going to be doing the staying up all night thing because I'm scared I'll oversleep and miss my early-morning classes again.

Reason being is that I now have an alarm clock.

That hopefully works. I just bought it but LOLZ.

So yeah, uh. Went down the list of things I could use for an alarm last night with a few people in chan. Short of it is, my cellphone is dead and charger is two hours away, I have no computer, I don't really have any friends that would wake me up (shhhhh, Sara. the phone's dead, remember?), and my DS is... somewhere. In my room. And I have no idea where.

So ahahaha. Orz. Yeah. Can has alarm clock. Hopefully won't be pulling this kind of thing anymore.

IN OTHER NEWS, I love having retarded songs stuck in my head. It's just kind of funny.

Insert whining about lack of inspiration here.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand... I think that's it.

WARNING: I MAY OR MAY NOT BE PULLING A HERMIT MODE THING THIS WEEKEND. MOSTLY BECAUSE I NEED TO READ A LOT OF FRENCH AND ALSO BECAUSE I WANT TO STUDY UP ON TWO LANGUAGES I'VE STARTED BUT HAVEN'T REALLY GOTTEN ANYWHERE WITH YET. This is entirely relevant to that one post where I mentioned picking up a fourth... sorta. We'll see how it goes, in any case.

Aaaand that's the long and short of it for the time being.

... I feel like such an awesome dork when I use Prussia icons.


ETA: THEWHATILIKEABOUTYOUMEME ✖ my thread
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Feeling more connected to myself and reality now. I mean, yeah, still apathetic about the whole "I'm do things wrong" issue but at least I'm actually feeling other things. Probably because I actually got food. Breakfast in the caf (consisting of french toast, biscuit/gravy, hash brown, scrambled eggs, grits, and sausage patty), two snack packs of baby carrots, and two baby tiny apples.

On top of that--9+ hours of sleep. Woken up by fire alarm drill. Brilliant.

Then I went and served like... an hour of my community service hours taking down signs in my dorm. Why do I have community service hours? Well, remembering that incident of drinking in the dorms...? Yeah. 10 hours within the dorm and 10 hours working on a dance thing... which is next quarter. So person who's giving me the work hours is gonna talk to the housing people and see what can be done about it.

In addition to this, I watch some history channel things about medieval weapons and shields and such. And then something about the network of tunnels used in Iwo Jima during the final WWII battle in the Pacific. And then after that, it was tunnels during the Vietnam conflicts.

And of course, between all of this, I watched some Colbert Report and cracked up when he addressed President Nicolas Sarkozy--IN FRENCH--about the letter he wrote about Obama being elected. I'm sorry but I'm a French major and it was just... hilarious.

And because at some point a channel showed a clip of Where the Hell's Matt? 2008 dancing around the world video, I explained it to my sister and... I ended up watching it again and crying. Like without any real reason. Just started crying over it. And smiling.

These kind of things get me out of my funks surer than any other thing. Hearing stories about people--their hard times, their good times. Just seeing and watching and hearing humans being humans is enough to shake me out of whatever it is that's wrong with me. Sure, in those History Channel shows, there were some horrific stories about how civilians died from cave-ins due to the explosions above them, how babies were killed by Japanese military while in those caves because their cries would have given away their location, and things like that that just remind people how savage people can be.

But that's during war-time. During conflicts, you see the worst in people. Which is why I needed the balance of seeing that video of people just dancing and having fun--because they could. It's not an easy thing to grasp, I don't think. Human nature, that is. How we can go from one extreme to the other. Maybe it's not considered sane, but it's human. And it really depends on what's going on and how you choose to live with it.

A lot of those people in those conflicts did what they did to survive.

And yet, you know? A lot of people now-a-days do things like tell jokes, laugh, smile, dance, because it helps them continue on.

Because life is repetitious. It is exhausting, tiring, and there's expectations and rules and regulations that we all follow to keep our more frightening sides from having rule. It wears people down, wears them out, wish that it would just end. But you know? Life may be repetitious. It might be boring. It might be hard. Humans, however, are not. Sure, we repeat mistakes--over and over. Especially in terms to things like war and prejudices. But you know what? Even when we do repeat historical mistakes, we are still progressing further and further.

I mean, look where we are now compared to 50 years ago when people would have said there would be no way no how a person of African decent would become president. The advances we've been making socially, technologically, and philosophically... there's just a lot of it compared to decades ago. And decades ago was further ahead than a century ago and so and so on.

Yeah, we slip and fall on the occasion. It's nature. It's life. It's human. Getting up is human also. Especially when we just want to just lie there. We keep going, one foot in front of the other, and you know. That more than anything has always fascinated me.

It's probably what keeps me from really going insane and just lying there on the ground when I make huge mistakes like I have recently.

So... I dunno. This post is mostly for me. But it's for other people, too, if they want it. Bad things happen, huge and cruel and seemingly without end. But I've always said this and I still believe it. Bad things happen. But it's the good things that make the bad times worth it.
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Halloween was busy in that band ate my life. Ditto for Saturday. Today, I mostly lazed around and huddled under my blankets and played on my sister's computer while she was out being social and whatnot.

Still pretty zen, atm. Though some recent posts on my flist have me worried about some people and I wish I knew how to help them, but the last time I tried to help with something like that, it ended up hurting both me and the person I was trying to help and I'm still recovering from that incident, really, so... I'm trying my best to actually believe in these people, the way I should have done with my other friend. But I don't know. I wish there was more I could do.

And part of all of this is that I'm wondering when my next break down will happen. Because I haven't had one in a while, it seems like. Not a real one, anyway. I mean, sure, I've had downs. But the worst down I've recently had was on the 6th. And before that, it was after I got my wisdom teeth removed when I had a panic attack over nothing I lied, it was after a few days after my bday.

I should be relieved that those kinds of things are getting further apart, but it's still making me a bit paranoid to think when the next one will strike. Especially with winter on its way and we all know--or at least those who have known me for a few years--that my Thanksgivings and Christmases tend to be somewhat special in some regards.

But I guess that's just something I have to prepare myself for. Be strong for myself and for others who might be watching me and looking for strength also.

... good thing I'm still zen about things right now. I dunno how I'd be functioning at school right now if I weren't, really.


ETA: My sister's bday is on the 8th.

... I don't have a gift for her yet.

Well. I know what I'm doing tomorrow.
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