Paper is done and ready to turn in and I don't care if I did it wrong this time. I'll do better on the next two papers and then the book comparisons. Blargh.

All I know is that I'm done. And I don't want to read Gorky for a while (will probably bring it with me on the trip along with the other book I have to read for the next paper--oh wait. And that other book that my sister wanted me to read but I haven't gotten to. \o).

So yeah. Uh. Almost time for History class and hahaha. Bolsheviks having their own problems keeping order after the Revolutions of 1917, ftw. Interesting time in history is interesting. Uho!

And now I'm going to zen and try to get Gorky out of my head for a bit until classtime.
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But ignoring my fail for now, I have some things I want to babble about.

First of all, holy shit in Minekura's direction.

Second of all, I need to plot things. For whenever I'm finished with papers and stuff. Which... yeah. I have three four more days to finish them--and actually my papers for that exam look to be a lot easier than the one I've been struggling with for a while is. Drrdrrdrr.

But by plotting things I mean like... get a haircut. Go walking around town. Something. Idk. I need a change in pace and... yeah. New quarter coming up--WHY HAVEN'T YOU ARRIVED YET, BAWWW. And yeah. Stuff.

Third of all, I need to clean my room. It's... part of what's making me feel anxious as hell. And whenever I get twitchy I clean my room and am able to focus better. ... so cleaning my room tonight, more than likely.

Fourth of all, sleep patterns lol. Need to go to bed earlier than I did yesterday. Um. Yeah. Or something. Idk. I'm working on it!

Fifth of all, I have discovered I have a great liking for vivid and bright colors. I used to not, you know. I was all for the earth tones and subdued colors that didn't really stand out. Now I'm like... Oooo pretty vibrant colors O: Do want! W-which is why the majority of my icons--especially the newer ones--have a lot more color to them. And stuff. >.>

Idk. I think it's a tell of the difference between the me from a few years ago and the me today. I'm definitely a lot more extroverted than I used to be (no. rly. you have no idea.) and just... something to ponder on.

In conclusion... my mind is jumbled up with too many things and I fail at focusing! \o


EDIT: I just remembered my dad called me at some point to tell me he was visiting my grandmother with my mom and was showing my cousin my LJ.

... uh. Everyone wave and say hi to the parents and my cousin.

[waves]
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... my life this school year has been entirely uninteresting and thus boring.

Obviously, I should spice it up a little next quarter.

But how does we do this, precious? It's not like I have people I hang around here or something. But I guess I could get a job. Or try to anyway. That could change things up or--OOOOH, I know what I can do. I can take walks and hit up the Frothy Monkey and take my laptop with me. And do my school work for once. As well as RP.

I dunno. I need to change things up a little or else I will go stir crazy this next quarter. But maybe not. If I get those classes I want... should be interesting.

And I definitely need to change up my RP line-up. Or, uh. Not change it up so much as toss out my other three more (Prussia stop being a damn conquering nation and let the others have their fu--... that gives me the idea of playercesting. ... I should do that, actually. Could get me a feel for my characters again. IF YOU HAVE SUGGESTIONS FOR A SCENARIO TO ENABLE THIS, SPEAK NOW).

But yeah. I dunno. I guess it's because my sister is finally getting out of her depressed state and while I've gotten out of my depressed state months ago, I'm still very :| about things right now and... need a change.

... when I get money again, the first thing I'm doing is lopping off my hair. It's getting too long and annoying and all I ever do is wear it up. Maybe I could try something new with it? Also shorter hair with glasses. That'll be something I haven't seen in a few years.

I don't know. I kind of miss things being hectic like they were when I had a job. Not those times where I nearly died--though those were kind of awesome in their own retarded way--and definitely not the times... after last winter but just something needs to come along and spice things up.

My little sister didn't get how I could not be all excited about stuff that she does and I go, "... yeah, did that two years ago," until just recently, actually. Yeah. I'm burnt out at this place. Need some place new and different but ONE MORE YEAR LEFT.

And hey, if I stay with my folks this summer, I'll have a whole town to mess around in--along with acres and acres of farmland to explore. And I could probably get a job at the Hastings there. Uhuhu.

... idk, I needed to babble. But definitely going to start with the changing my schedule and behavior with cutting my hair when I have money again.

Which I'll have when I sale my Chemistry book :|
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I'm apparently in a very babbly mood this week.

Hilariously, back before 2001, I always thought I lived in boring times. Mostly because we had technology and things to make things that much easier for us. So there wasn't much struggle. There wasn't anything really to work and strive for. Everything was set up and you go through life in this honey-bee-like fashion where you live, you work for the man, you pop out a few, and you die.

... of course, I was also a sheltered brat who had familial issues enough to deal with and thus didn't really see things from a broader view-point. It's been one of my greatest tragic flaws.

And after that year? Oh that year. I've been immersing myself with politics, world affairs, history, literature, languages, and anything and everything I can get my hands on. I've been making relationships left and right with people who see things from a different perspective, who grew up in places that I have never been to and thus have a different view of the world from where they're standing.

And it was only after that time, in that year, when things got kicked off in such a horribly violent and unpredictable manner, that I finally went, "Oh, shit. These are interesting times and some shit is really going down."

The year 2008 was definitely showing that 2001 was barely the beginning of how fucked up things are going to get. And 2009 is proving to be just as fucked up and just as interesting.

This is living history, folks. And I've always been one who liked to watch people, who likes to sit and watch and remember and sometimes write things down. Maybe it's not something other people can approve of--I don't think I ever want to be directly involved with the issues or the troubles. But watching is sadistic in its own way. I'm watching as people are falling apart, economy falls steadily more and more, my own country straining and straining because oh shit we fucked up again and how do we fix it this time--can we even fix it?

And this is why I'll never be more than what I am. Why I'll never be in the spotlight and why I'll never actually be known in the world. Few people really are, actually. Known in the world, that is. I mean, thinking about it. There were so many people who were and are famous but they're outnumbered by the people who live and die in obscurity, who do what they can with what life gives them and who pass on what they can to their children and their children's children.

At this stage in my life? Though I want to believe that maybe one day I'll settle down and have a family, I don't really see it happening. Not yet. It's in the distant future and if I think that far ahead, oh won't I be freaking out? Plus, I don't even know where the world will be within the next year, let alone within the next decade or so.

And... I don't know. I think I'm babbling because I'm going from thinking about my Shakespeare class today, where we talked about how fucked up British royal families can be because we're going to read Richard II. I go from that in-depth discussion about history and even over to literature discussion, with Aristotle's definition for Tragedy and then getting into the difference between Tragedy and Melodrama. There was even a part in the discussion when he mentioned Melodrama starting out especially with the Naturalism in the 19th century and I spoke up going, "It continued into the 20th century," to which he replied, "It is something that--especially American authors--can never really let go or move themselves away from."

And how so very right. I mean, just look at me, person who likes to watch as the world falls down around them. But then again, I don't watch it for the Melodrama or even the pain and suffering of others.

I watch because there's always those people--sometimes known, sometimes never even seen or heard of--who fight and fight and won't give up or lay over and die.

And those people have always been an inspiration to me, really.

... you know, I think I can blame discussions I had with my family and the whole getting away from civilization that was my time spent with my parents out in Texas. Things are simple out there, really. Moreso than here at university where at any moment, the cost of attending school will skyrocket because Louisiana is cutting the higher-educations' budget (god, why the fuck do they do this shit) because some assholes in the government thinks it's a fan-fucking-tastic idea even though the populace of this state is already poor and this'll just make recruiting people into the military even easier (I have no objections for those who wish to sign up, but some actually only do it for the money for education).

Who knows what's going to happen with that, really.

But yeah. Never going to be one who involves herself too deeply in things. But watching, learning, waiting, hoping? Those I do plenty and have no trouble with at all.

... and again, I'm not sure if this post has any purpose. I've just been thoughtful lately and... well. I dunno. Maybe I just need to figure out what I'm trying to say other than "If you're feeling like everything's about to fall apart, don't panic. Just watch and wait and hope and, if you're inclined, pray that everything will work itself out. Because sometimes, it just does that."
.

I've gone and fucked up my sleep schedule.

Note to self: Never. EVER buy Vault at night. EVER. Even if you just tell yourself it's for tomorrow because you need to make it through your classes. You will just end up drinking it all and then be buzzing around hyperly for all night and then crash and then fuck up your sleep schedule.

And especially don't buy TWO OF THEM and then proceed to GUZZLE THEM RIGHT DOWN AT 10PM ON A MONDAY NIGHT.

...

Sob.

BUT THAT'S TOTALLY OKAY BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE A COUPLE OF DAYS LEFT BEFORE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS. HUZZAH!

B-but I'm not going to have a perfect attendance score for classes this week. Baw.

I'm going to try to not do this to myself again but I probably won't be able to fix my sleep schedule to something more sane this week. I'll just have to push on through it and attend classes even if I'm falling asleep.

... and I have a Chemistry test tomorrow. Sob.

Also, can I say here right here and now that I feel like a horribly ignorant person? I know that I can come across as one, especially when I "argue" points others are trying to make. Common misconception, that. It's not so much that I argue against these points. I argue for the sake of debate because sometimes people hand me new information that does not match with the old information I've been given.

I dunno.

Older adults always used to tell me how bright a kid I was. Hell, they still do it for time to time, but now I'm left wondering if it's just because of where I live. Because oh you silly Americans, you're so close-minded and you only think of yourselves~ Believe me, this is a line I hear a lot thanks to being in foreign language courses and the like. And sometimes it's not really said but ho boy is it implied. Mostly by people in my class, sometimes even my French professor DeMattos. But, you know... he's French. Not that he means it horribly negatively. Just that he wants to teach us what our education system apparently neglects to teach us. HARD TO DESCRIBE THIS RELATIONSHIP but that's sorta how the Franco-American relationship goes?

I dunno. I always thought it was a bit unfair that I've only ever lived in one place. But I don't think I'd trade where I was born? I just wish I could have had more opportunities to travel and study and... just whatever.

Meh. I think I'm going to head to bed here in a bit. And only get ~5 hours. Definitely not more. That way I will actually be TIRED at the appropriate time rather than staying up into all hours of the night.

AND NO SUGAR OR CAFFEINE OR WHAT HAVE YOU, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ME.


EDIT: Changing my mind. Am staying up and attending my class at 9:30, damn it. Even if it kills me. Or something.

God I feel so failtastic. I blame certain people who shall go unnamed for the time being YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
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So.

Interesting day. Just gonna say that I'm not going to be doing the staying up all night thing because I'm scared I'll oversleep and miss my early-morning classes again.

Reason being is that I now have an alarm clock.

That hopefully works. I just bought it but LOLZ.

So yeah, uh. Went down the list of things I could use for an alarm last night with a few people in chan. Short of it is, my cellphone is dead and charger is two hours away, I have no computer, I don't really have any friends that would wake me up (shhhhh, Sara. the phone's dead, remember?), and my DS is... somewhere. In my room. And I have no idea where.

So ahahaha. Orz. Yeah. Can has alarm clock. Hopefully won't be pulling this kind of thing anymore.

IN OTHER NEWS, I love having retarded songs stuck in my head. It's just kind of funny.

Insert whining about lack of inspiration here.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand... I think that's it.

WARNING: I MAY OR MAY NOT BE PULLING A HERMIT MODE THING THIS WEEKEND. MOSTLY BECAUSE I NEED TO READ A LOT OF FRENCH AND ALSO BECAUSE I WANT TO STUDY UP ON TWO LANGUAGES I'VE STARTED BUT HAVEN'T REALLY GOTTEN ANYWHERE WITH YET. This is entirely relevant to that one post where I mentioned picking up a fourth... sorta. We'll see how it goes, in any case.

Aaaand that's the long and short of it for the time being.

... I feel like such an awesome dork when I use Prussia icons.


ETA: THEWHATILIKEABOUTYOUMEME ✖ my thread
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Things have gotten a bit better since that phone post. Pretty much right after I made it, I had a bit of a breakdown and ended up sitting outside crying like a baby all sad and alone and yeah. I'm better now and mostly over it.

Partly because I spent the rest of that night, morning, and early afternoon that followed cleaning my room, reading Frankenstein (bentley, I blame you), and then watching 23.

... in regards to Frankenstein, all I can say is D: Pop culture so skews what really happens in the novel. It kind of makes me sad. I actually never read the book until last night and always thought, you know, Frankenstein = mad scientist ultimately killed by his own creation and the monster = misunderstood giant. Both impressions are... somewhat true, but not exactly because ahaha.

Neither are evil but simply... well, human. Even the monster. Which makes the story rather sad, really.

... I so need to RP Stein's reaction to the book at some point or something. Because I so think he wouldn't like it much, except on a literature basis which >/ isn't really something he studies anyway.

I am not obsessive.

And I think you were right about my soul animal, Greenie. :<

In other news, today is my sister's 19th bday and as such, we are having a small get-together, party thing at my friend Patrick's place. I don't think I'll be online tonight, so here's a head's-up for that sort of thing.

Thanks, guys, who tried cheering me up earlier. It does help to know you try even though I fail at having internet access. |D ♥
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So uh...

It started out with me watching AMVs of Alfred/Arthur and of course the most pretty ones, in my opinion, involved the whole angstiness that is the American Revolution which put such a huge chasm in their relationship and...

Now I'm abusing Wikipedia to not-really research the events leading up to and during the American Revolution. Most of which I know of but a fresh reminder never hurts!

And...

I am so totally not contemplating writing a series of ficlets involving this time period or even well before it. No really. I'm not.





Okay, so I am. bite me. I am a history dork and I adore Hetalia's characters and hey! This is an awesome way of refreshing my early American history and finding information that most American history classes pre-university just doesn't teach. Seriously. I love how when I was a kid, it was never mentioned that England was in bad debt because of the French and Indian War so, after the English people started complaining that they were being overtaxed while the American colonies weren't even paying their due to the British crown, the government started slamming down the taxes.

Of course, this doesn't change a lot of the political dissatisfaction from the colonies, because they really weren't properly recognized in the Parliament and thus, because a lot of the learned citizens of the colonies considered themselves British citizens, the colonies essentially began throwing fits over this. And ahahaha, situation did not get better and that's not even getting into how France started throwing its support because anything to stick it to the British, really.

... sob. I'm so in over my head with this insane idea but ahaha, do want to do it. So I probably will. Be expecting more on this topic soon.

Also, I owe a certain someone Cold War fic. Will get to that as soon as I look into the Cuban Missile Crisis again to refresh my memory!
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Well. Things continue to get interesting and leave me impatient for this quarter to end.

French class today was amazing in the fact that ma prof got locked out of her preferred classroom, so we had to go elsewhere and thus commences one of the most entertaining classes of this year! The topic of discussion today was le e muet, the silent E which is either pronounced with an "uh"-ish sound, par exemple le sond e dans "venir", or is at the end of a word and is silent-ish, comme le mot "je" ou "que".

Of course we had loads of fun when we got to the exercise where we had to not pronounce the E and kind of stumbled our way through saying phrases like "Tu te moques de ce que je pense," wherein some E's are silent and the others are pronounced. In this phrase the E's in the words "te", "moques", "ce", "je", and "pense" (the final E for "pense", that is) all have silent E's. So the sentence reads more like "Tu t'moqu'de c'que j'pens." Or something. IT'S HARD TO DESCRIBE WITHOUT THE PHONETIC ALPHABET THING.

But yeah. So much fun with that. Especially when I had to read a column of words aloud and ma prof goes all, "... D: How come you can do it so easily?" at me. Because she keeps saying le e muet and ahahaha. Fun stuff.

This up mood of course has nothing to do with the fact that I had over 12 hours of sleep and it was warmer today than yesterday. No, not at all.

... my sleep schedule is fucked because I go without sleep, get four hours, get four hours, then another 12 hours, then no sleep, then four hours, then four hours, etc, etc, ad nauseum...

Sob.

But anyway, fun times in French class and now I'm just chilling and... god, tomorrow is going to suck if I can't get to bed at a decent hour (i.e. not 4AM) tonight. I'll have to get some sleep aid to help me with that. Because I have busy busy day tomorrow thanks to that damn Homecoming parade the band has to be in. Did I mention how much I hate Homecoming? And especially ones that are on Halloween weekend? Yeah.

I always love me shallow homecomings where all the girls look the same--this is why I was awed by this story I saw on Glenn Beck the other night (it's been ages since I've seen his show, really), where a girl with Down Syndrome got the crown. Although it does make me sad to think some people probably voted with a pity vote, but I think that girl deserved it more than some of the barbies who tend to get the crown. Bleh.

No offense to anyone on my flist who has ever been Homecoming Queen. I'm a bitter (mostly because of other things not involving the Homecoming thing at all, really), unpopular girl who never gets awards though mostly because I don't try for any of them.

But aside from my being disgruntled about Homecoming this weekend, I'm just all set and ready for the quarter to end so I can go and visit my sisters and brother-in-law and baby nephew WHO IS FREAKISHLY TALL. He's up to my hip already and he's only TWO. Big boy is big! D'awwwww.

Anyway, leaving the post here before I babble about something else!
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Yesterday was interesting.

Did my game-day band activities (i.e. awake from 7:30AM to 10PM doing band things and then not sleeping until after midnight) on 3 hours' worth of sleep. Brilliant job, me.

Not only that but I may have gotten in trouble with the RAs in a guys dorm on the account of having alcohol present. Uh. Pretty sure it was just scare tactics with a first strike, but yeeeeeah. No, I'm not likely to drink in a dorm again (because they have me down as doing it once before) and yeeeah, no. Nothing happened. It was just us sitting around and drinking and chilling but apparently we were noisy and it was midnight so they were going to kick the girls out (boo to curfews!). They also made the guys throw away the beer (which I was not drinking as I hate the taste of beer) but they didn't find my smirnoff in the closet. This tells you how serious they were about nailing us about it--i.e. not at all. Otherwise they would have turned the place over.

Meh. It happened once. Won't be happening again. I am not that dumb, kthx. Also, let it be noted that I did object to drinking in the dorms--sneaking in small quantities of alcohol for private enjoyment is one thing. Social drinking? Noooot likely gonna work. Dunno why I went along with it. I blame the lack of sleep and easy enabling since I was brainded and wanted to get a small buzz (which I did--1 1/2 smirnoffs makes me relax and happy).

Beyond that, I slept from... maybe 2AM-ish? to about 3:30PM. Mmmm, sleep~

( Cut for dreamscape things--MAY OR MAY NOT BE TMI, KTHX )

Yeah. I've already gone to the caf and got some beef and mashed potatoes with gravy and a salad so I am good and stuff for now. *thumbs up*

Also, contemplating possible travel plans. Hey you guuuuuuys. Wanna talk that stuff out with me if you want me to to come visit? I think I might have a plan involving visiting the PNW but with a layover time period in Iowa long enough to hang out with Sara and Andrea (and possibly other Iowaners + Heather if possible?). But uh. It really depends.

... I need to poke my sister Shorty and ask her if she and my dad can pull together to get me a shiny new laptop. She said she was willing to but I had other ideas in mind at the time and said she didn't have to. I r fickle person, inorite? I can always point out the fact that Patrick got Foon/Shiz's top-of-the-line laptop for only around $900. And considering I used $1400 to pay off the laptop that was in Shorty's name...

Stuff to think about in any case!

Saa...

I r still tired atm. Mrrh *snugs with someone*
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I ended up falling asleep a bit within the last half hour of my English class. Not that it matters much since we were just talking about Virgil's work and the story of how Rome was founded and my professor has a tendency to go on tangents anyway.

But yeah. Still drowsy from that.

I think I'm getting my motivation and interest in my subjects back again. I dunno why but for the past couple of weeks I just haven't been able to focus, I've been missing some classes because of idiotic things like oversleeping and the like... and well, now I'm buckling down again and such.

And I find myself tired. A good kind of tired, though, I guess.

But you know, a point of interest I have at the moment is the history of Empires or maybe I should say the men who led them on to greatness?

For example, in the western world back in the day, there was Alexander the Great, Augustus Caesar, and Charlemagne. I know for sure they're three great figures in history considering Alexander conquered everything from Greece to India (in less than ten years, isn't that right?), Augustus expanded the Roman empire and had such influence, and Charlemagne expanded the French territory and established the French royalty, I guess you can say?

Except when I think about all of this, in terms of western world conquerors and such (because back in those times, Europe was The World, as silly as that seems now), there's a huge gap in my thinking (which I blame on being half-asleep or something, really), between Charlemagne and Napoleon. And then again between Napoleon and Hitler, but that's more because of the fact that during that time period was when nations were all about national identity and making their own empires around the globe.

... I dunno, I just find this kind of thing interesting. I wish I knew more about eastern world history because I feel sorely deprived and missing more than a few moments in history I should know about.

But things like how western civilization has seen the rise and fall of several different empires, each one taking from the other (Egypt -> Greece -> Rome -> France -> England -> US? [hey, people have compared us to Rome right before the time of its fall]), has always been of an interest to me. Same way how lines of mentors and students like with Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, and Alexander the Great have always been a point of interest to me.

I dunno.

Hey, guys who have an interest in history, care to help me fill in the gaps? I might be doing some research of my own if only to satisfy my curiosity on the matter.


ETA: ... now I'm wondering why exactly I have an interest in people in history who've attempted to conquere the world.

And why the hell did Hitler go after Russia when it failed miserably when Napoleon tried it anyway? Not only that, but he had already been fighting a battle on at least two or three fronts. So why turn and run and try to take Russia out? I still never get that in WWII history. Had to be the stupidest mistake he could have made.

Though I guess you could look back at those ancient emperors and kings and say the same for them if you can find the moments where they royally screwed up but haa... most of those empires and kingdoms remained strong for generations--until you had characters like Nero in Rome. Or even Louis XV in France--seriously, how the hell did you get a genius like Louis XIV one generation, a frivolous king like Louis XV who wasted money on social events and such the next, and then end that line with Louis XVI who... just wasn't meant to be a leader in that respect (and let's face it, thanks to his predecessor and the depression at the time, he didn't really stand a chance)?

Though I guess if you look throughout history you'll see something like that. How one generation was strong enough to keep everything together but then it all falls apart in the next. Like with Alfred the Great and how he was able to at least begin to unify the English people and established the burgs and such and was able to keep things together but when he was gone, his sons couldn't keep up with it. Actually the same happened for Charlemagne, didn't it? Because France ended up getting split into three and then the sons squabbled over who got what and then two of them conspired against the third and...

... why do I have a fascination with this sort of thing. No. Really. I really wonder why.
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In a good mood right now--probably because I got more than 4 hours of sleep (5PM to past-midnight, anyway?).

But it's also because this weekend has been fun and amusing and just over all entertaining. Because I got to hang with my sisters and my brother-in-law and my nephew (I miss ma baby nephew already~). Because of some good news from my older sister Shorty that makes me gleeful just thinking about it. Because things are looking up for my family while the world keeps crashing down around us.

It's all of that in reality.

Online, I've been kind of a shut-in. Mostly because, yeah. I think I'm full-hiatus from CFUD at this point, mostly because I need a break from it. No new characters for me in the past three or four months means I'm kind of... feeling retardedly repetitive with my characters and I'm having self-confidence issues because of it.

Well... thankfully, I found something else to do with the free time that is boosting my self-esteem and making me lolz so bad. Especially right now. With a thread I'm having. (Certain people on my flist will probably be with me in the "I love everything" this thread puts me in because omg ahahahaha, I love it~).

And just... yes. Stepping outside of comfort zone in a way and yet am completely just being zen about things really helps with me dealing with whatever I have to deal with.

And of course, this week is going to be full of my working on papers, studying for exams... blah blah blah. Oh, school. You were so exciting before you reminded me of the tedious things that I hate. But that's okay, I still love you because I love everything right now.

And on that note:

I love you guys~


ETA: ... you know. I think I'll go asking around town to see what jobs are available. I dunno if I'll be getting one this next quarter. But it wouldn't hurt to see what my options are.

Mostly, I'll probably poke places that have a more easy-going nature to them because I think this summer about killed me with forcing me to deal with people so face-to-face like that. Hell, that telemarketer gig was only a week long but it was the worst week I can remember in a long time. And IHOP was fun but burned me out so damn fast...

I dunno. We'll just see. I think I'll stop by Subway on California to see some of my old coworkers this weekend or something. I don't think I'll be going back to the Tech Drive store, though. Apparently there was an armed robbery like a week or two ago and sjdfhasd no. D:

Some food for thought anyway. Think I'll go to the Olde Wheat Barn later today, even. I miss that store. Might make me all sad and stuff being in there without Sara and Andrea but... well. I'm sure I'll get over it. Or something.

Will probably be heading back to my dorm and sleeping some more soon. Thankfully nothing to do for school today until around 6PM when I have ma seconde Interrogation française. Fun stuff, man.
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The following convo shows my mood atm (note: I r Azuma):

[Azuma] s'abonner a mes services ce soir, Kuroyan :D
[Basara] why are you pimping yourself out

|D

Yes, I am feeling very up this evening. Proooobably because good things have been happening or something. Maybe it's because I've actually had two decent meals today. Though... breakfast was kind of dinner for me, considering I stayed up till around 8 or 9AM.

Good thing is though that I set my alarm to 1PM so that if I wanted more sleep, I could just reset my clock to another hour. And I told myself I wasn't allowed to wake up past 4PM because I had stuff to do before my French class at 5PM.

Well, whatd'ya know. It worked. I was awake by 3:30PM, took a shower, worked on that assignment that needed working on before French, and then there was French class in which I was able to pronounce things a hell of a lot better than I used to and just kgajflkfd loooove.

Also, I'm able to help my oldest sister get herself a car. Of course this means I'll be short $240 until the 22nd, but that's totally cool because big sister getting a car \o

I still find it amusing how the economy is falling down around us and yet my family seems to doing better than ever. Here's to hoping we're not going to get kicked in the balls for it because, man, we so deserve this after those bad years.

In other news, I got to eat beef for dinner tonight! Om nom nom. The Caf had beef and I wanted so bad because I haven't had red meat in like forever. So mashed potatoes + gravy + green peas + beef + two slices of cheese pizza.

... I r totally healthy, yo.

But yeah. On top of all of that, my sore throat issue is virtually gone. And I was right that it was a nasal drainage thing because now my nose is slightly stuffed. Oh jeez whiz. Why didn't I notice this sooner?

So yeah. Am happy, am hyper, am also a little drowsy but we all know I end up becoming wired around 10PM or some crazy hour, but I also have me some Tylenol PM that I can take whenever I go back to my dorm if I can't fall asleep.

Ah... ups are so much better than downs~
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Also, icon is because I adore pirate!UK from Hetalia.

First of all, I just want to say that I'll probably be putting off the getting of a new computer until winter quarter--mostly because I currently have around $659 in the bank (don't ask me where the money went--school books, supplies, and food mostly) and at least $300 of that belongs to sannask and horatio09, who can email me anytime with the mailing address I should be sending it off.

What I can do with the other $350, besides getting a new computer, is get clothes.

If you guys looked at my wardrobe, you'd probably ship me off to What Not To Wear or something. I know my family's threatened to do it more than once. Mostly jokingly, of course.

But I seriously only have t-shirts and jeans for the most part. Sure, I have khaki pants for marching band--ditto for khaki shorts--and black dress pants that I bought because they were the only things I could use for working at IHOP at the time (and they still look real nice, too). But beyond that... not much else. And only like 3 or 4 blue jeans--one of which is missing a button and the others, well, I know one's a capris and another is my baggy "do whatever while wearing them" jeans...

Not only that, but I need winter clothes. Because I have none! Except for a Dork sweatshirt lwyn got me a couple of years ago (I still adore it ;;b), a Louisiana Tech pull-over, and my old high school letterman, I have no real warm long-sleeved clothes! Luckily, I do have two scarves, so I don't have to worry so much about that. ... and I think I left the gloves maikan got me years ago at my sister's house at some point. Hmmm.

So yeah. Clothing would be A+++ atm. Moreso than a new computer, seeing as how I have internet access thanks to the computer labs and all.

Beyond clothes... new bedding would be nice. The set I have now is over three years old, poor things. And my mom got me a nice down comforter for my bday so... new bedding would be nice, yes.

... I have no clue what else besides those things that I really need right now. Especially with $350 to work with. But meh. We'll see. I'll probably pester my little sister to go shopping with me since she's got more of a sense of fashion than I do. Though I will maintain that I look godawful in most clothes.

Probably will save up the rest for whatever I may need it for because, yeah.

In other news, my hands are freezing cold because, even though it's getting cooler outside every day, Louisianaians apparently still insist on having the AC at 60 or below. Which I find really retarded. At least have it 70 or above, guys. Srsly.

And beyond all of that, I need to call my sister Shorty and see what her plans for Thanksgiving is. Because if she's staying home, then Foon/Shiz and I could just go down there for Thanksgiving, seeing as we have a football game the weekend of and aren't supposed to leave school because of it or something, I dunno, it's too early to think about it. But basically, won't be able to see the folks until Christmas because of their move. Which... is kind of different. Never had a Thanksgiving without the whole family around--or at least not without parents. We sometimes didn't have B or Shorty but that's because they were busy elsewhere, so it's understandable.

... I'm really still kind of sleepy so things that might not be making sense might be escaping me. I think I'll end the post here, then.
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In the past two days, I've gotten about three requests to help people on their French. Yeah, they were pretty simple matters (and actually one of them I was just about as confused as the other person but we managed to work something out) but it kind of makes me feel better. Like I'm actually learning and I'm getting real good at what I want to do. It only took, what? Four years? Gg, me.

Not only that but I completely aced that test today in French. Memorizing the phonetic alphabet isn't too hard, actually! And it all really depends on the letters used and the sounds they make usually. I mean, sure. I got the phonetic symbols for words like "dernier" wrong but over all, I'm not doing so bad!

And really, this phonetics and pronunciation course is helping me loads. It's really building my self confidence up better than any other course has. Because a lot of my insecurities with languages has always been if I'm saying it right and with my knowing the phonetics better, I'm able to sound out the words better--in my head and aloud. Because French is full of those goddamn silent letters and all. At least in Spanish and Japanese, what you see is what you get basically (except when it comes to kanji, sure), and just.

I'm feeling kind of proud of myself. I'm kind of scared to feel this way because things tend to go downhill if I get too confident in myself--superiority complex in the making, I swear this is why I have an inferiority complex, to balance things out.

But yeah. Things like this make me think it might actually be possible to get an apprenticeship or internship somewhere. And if not either of those, then at least a scholarship to study abroad. Especially since I'm not as willing to half-ass last-minutely do things.

I dunno. This year has been way better than last year so far. I'm just hoping it'll stay that way.

And yeah, putting this out here, but I love you guys for putting up with my self-pity parties. I know it seems like I whine continuously but really, my self-esteem has gotten a lot better.

In fact, today I got other shit that needed to get done done. Apparently the dentist I went to when staying with sannask and horatio09 this summer is sending me a bill. Why? I already paid my bill, right? Uh, no. My dad's insurance company/job people's are being asshats again and insisting that I'm not a full-time student. (With 13 hours, I'd better damn well be considered a full-time student.) So my sister and I went and took care of that around 4PM today. Then I went upstairs in Keeny Hall to get an appointment with my counselor (since I missed my first one because lol surpraise band rehearsal at 4 instead of 4:30).

October 6th, I have an appointment at 11AM. Early, but why the hell not? I have Art Appreciation around that time anyway.

And yeah. I should've called the HP people and get the buying-a-new-laptop thing out of the way today but I didn't get around to it. So tomorrow, I'm going to be trying to get on that. And once everything involving the computer gets squared away, I can probably use the rest of the money to buy winter clothes and new shoes (because I have nothing but old (and by old, I mean over a year old and completely worn out) tennis shoes and one pair of Mudds that, while fitting and comfy and such, is already kind of falling apart when my older sister Shorty bought them for me for my bday, wtf) and maybe things like an iPod and a new digital camera. I am sort of lacking in the hi-tech department, anyway.

Not counting the money that I need to send to Sanna and Joe, I have around $500 in my bank. Now, I dunno how the computer people want to do things--a downpayment of some-odd amount and then the monthly installments pay or what--but hopefully it won't be more than $300 there. And then the $200 can be used for whatever. Or something. I dunno.

Aaah... this is the first time in a week I've been on the up and up in my mood. And last time, it had probably been months since I was that happy and relax and with-it about things. Just... I have no clue why the positive attitude but it feels nice. At least better than late Saturday night when I was talking with my friend Miguel who... I love him like a bro but I probably shouldn't have told him a lot of the things I did.

I dunno. I've been needing to open up to more people here since the only two people who know me as well as I know myself pretty much, IRL, are gone and I can't interact with them in person anymore. That's part of the reason I got kind of depressed this past week actually. The whole going stir-crazy and no one to talk about it with or anything because that would mean admitting I'm a different kind of person than I like to pretend I am. ... which is probably why I come across as a tight-ass a lot.

Meh. I'll work it out. Talking with Miguel was a step in the right direction, hopefully. I dunno if I can trust myself to do it with anyone else any time soon but at least I know someone's sort of got my back... even though I haven't talked with him since that night really. But Miguel's always kind of had my back. Especially sophomore year when I was stressing about my solos in Wind Ensemble. God, I nearly cried at him so many times, it's not even funny.

But yeah. One step at a time. Building up my esteem and working harder on my languages... actually reading my assignments--which I haven't really done but I need to read Bede for English History because we have a discussion tomorrow that is worth a lot of grade points and even if I'm good at BSing that sort of thing, I actually do want to know what the hell they're talking about. These kinds of things that I've been kind of ignoring for the past... well... since before high-school really. Man, I do love it when I'm actually interested in my subjects rather than suffering through them like I did in Sociology and Chemistry (which would be why I made a D in one and failed the other).

... I'm surprisingly in a good place right now, but I know some other people on my flist aren't and. Well. If I could send out waves of positive feelings, I really would. Love to you guys. You have no idea how much.

And I think that's all for now. Someone beat me with a stick if my babbling gets on your nerves. Norly!
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Andrea was right. My brain is way too active.

I just finished watching a Sally Lockhart movie, The Shadow in the North and I knew it would end like that. Ahaha. So predictable~ And yet I was still going, "... don't kill off that character just because that happened. I like that character."

First time a character I liked got killed. You know. Besides Sirius Black. Boo.

But seriously, I've been wanting to watch or read a good mystery or suspense thriller in a while. And funny enough that the only reason I saw The Ruby in the Smoke was because I was flipping through channels on my tv and saw Billie Piper. Of course, I wasn't sure at first it was and lucky me, I ended up starting in on the show about 5 minutes in. Normally, I miss like a whole half of the Masterpiece Theater and have to look it up online. 's what I had to do for Casanova.

But yeah. Mysteries or things will puzzles like that are always enjoyable~ especially when I figure out what's going to happen before it happens. Ah. Yes. That is always fun.

I actually used to be horrible about that sort of thing, really. My sister Shorty was always faster, but I guess I've gotten better (worse?) about that sort of thing because yeah. Or maybe it's because Sally Lockhart isn't really on the same level as, say, Sherlock Holmes. Because I still find it hard to actually get Holmes stuff before it's revealed. Boo.

... I wants more mystery novels/movie-adaptations.

Ah well. *crams for une petite interrogation de français*


EDIT: 3:52PM - have no idea how ready for this little test I am but oh well.

P.S. Hard phonetic alphabet is hard. But getting the hang of it! And it is helping me with pronouncing my French better~
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So. The reason why I wasn't online Friday night?

The internet servers for pretty much all of campus was DOWN. I mean down in the sense that I walked in around 8 or 8:30PM ready to work on my CFUD app and stuff only to find that I couldn't log in. I waited about an hour, then left, thinking I could get some sleep in, come back, and it would be up. No such luck. I returned at 2AM only to find it was still down. Tried logging in for another 30 minutes until I got beyond frustrated and asked the person at the desk if I should hold my breath on the servers being up soon. She said, "Not likely. They'll probably get around to it tomorrow afternoon."

... lol. I had a football game day. And those are an all-day thing for the band.

So I thought I'd try my bo-bo'd up laptop to get on, but EL OH EL, the internet wasn't working in my dorm either. BRILLIANT.

I was actually tempted to annoy some people and text message the whole of my app to them or something but decided against it, even though I feel horrible because this is the THIRD MONTH IN A ROW that I've failed at sending in an app. Orz. Life why are you topping me?

Anyway, besides me bitching about the internets failing me, this is me reassuring people that I'm doing better, my throat is healing (lol, 3 prescription medicines helping with that, uwah--and actually I forgot to bring with me the one with a strict regime... damn. will walk back and get it when I get my "lunch") and not so hurty anymore! Part of the reason is also because I didn't play on my clarinet much or yell and scream at the football game (we won: 41 to 23 or something like that. wh00twh00t).

So yeah. Doing better in that department. As for Saturday's schedule? It was insane.

7:30AM - Wake up
8AM - Rehearsal
9:45AM - Breakfast
10:40AM - Parade over to Railroad Park for Pep Rally
12PM - Lunch
1PM - Performance at Time Out For Tech at Howard Auditorium
2:30PM - Get a ride to the stadium
3:30PM - Walk of Pride performance
~4PM - Parade to the President's house
~5PM - Parade into stadium
~6PM - GAME TIME
~11PM - Leave stadium

... *falls over and whines*

I ended up going to bed at 2AM and waking up at 2PM. Lolz. Mmm sleep. I love you~

And yeah, fun stuff.

So how's everyone else been?
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Just got back from a Pep Rally and goddamn it, I miss having in-door pep rallys. Freakin' mosquitoes were eating us ALIVE, I swear. And now my legs itch like crazy DX

And before I get started on this post, let me just say that... guys? I know not to do a lot of those things I ranted about before. Like a said. "Me" is a smart person, apparently. And knows not to. But it's always there, that sort of thing. But I'm too much of a control freak to do anything of the sort. ... at least not to the point of addiction.

But thanks for the advice and such? It's just very frustrating sometimes when people tell me "You don't get it" when they talk about those kinds of things. And yes, I don't get it. Mostly because I can't stand not being in control of myself. So probably a lot of those people "don't get it" about control freaks and things like that. Meh.

Anyway, on to more happier subjects or something.

Today, I slept through my classes. Mostly because I was feeling absolutely horrible. Not because of my sleeping schedule, surprisingly. But more because of the fact that the pre-mature weather change from highs of 100 to highs of 80 got to my immune system. Not only that but it's been dry as fuck over here--was 100% humidity, now it's closer to 60%. It's murder on my poor throat which I need to speak French and play my clarinet.

So yeah. I was sick. And couldn't get the energy to get up, coughing like crazy, throat burning and sob. I took one tablet of aspirin in hopes that it would help, but of course it didn't. Silly me. Thankfully, my throat seems a lot better for it since I'm a chatterbox in my classes or something, going to class would mean I would end up talking and using my throat and that would aggravate it worse.

But I did end up going to band, because we had a pep rally right after rehearsal and those are worth like my entire grade if I don't show up without a proper excuse.

Meh.

I'm actually going to head to bed early tonight--like only gonna be online till 11PM over here at the latest. Because ahaha, I need a good amount of sleep if I want my throat to get better and my immune system to kick back into gear. Trust me, I'm not the only one having troubles with the sudden change in weather. It's horrible really--even if the temperatures feel so nice.

Besides that... huh. I dunno.

Okay, I'm bored.

MEME!

Since there's so many new people on my flist and such, let's get to know each other! Ask me a question and I will answer and then ask you a question which you will then answer before asking me another question! And on and on with the circle of life and all that jazz!

You know you love it, okay go.
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So. It's September 11th, and this is of course the one time in the year when I am all about remembering where I was and what was going on when it happened. Lots of things have happened since then (and I still lolz when I think about how I made a Spiderman joke when I heard the news--it kept my sanity okay) and a lot of things have changed but of course, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Today is also my Mom's birthday. And one thing I remember most about that day seven years ago is how depressed my mom was when she heard the news. Because her birthday was ruined and well... I can't remember if this was before or after moving to the rent house (I'm leaning toward after) but August-September have never been good months at home, really--same for November-December, but we get over it. Of course, my dad tried to cheer my mom up by taking her out that weekend and getting her this lovely chocolate cake. I guess it helped things smooth over, but yeah. It sticks in my mind how my mom cried about how her day of birth would have that kind of scar on it because of the planes crashing into the buildings and that field in Pennsylvania.

So... yeah. It's been seven years since then and it's my mom's birthday. I love you, Mom. I hope you're having a good year this year what with your moving to open space and probably getting what you've wanted most for a long time.

As for me. I'm dealing with a few issues. Not too much--hell, no where near the stuff I went through last year around this time (thank god for not having a job, I'd probably die), but my attention span is the same as ever in the classroom. By which, I mean wandering every five seconds. My history prof told me not to read my history book in class because he was lecturing, but I was wanting to read more about King Richard I and the stuff leading up to the Magna Carta.

... which isn't a bad thing. At least I'm interested in the subject and paying attention to things. I just have to be mindful that it's my nature to have half a mind on what's being said and half a mind on what I'm reading. It's just how I function--though I hate that people make this seem like I don't pay attention just because I'm not taking notes and I'm not looking at them.

I've an excellent memory, really. I'm cursed with it in a way. It's a trait I got from my father, who--I actually learned from my Aunt Torchie--has a photographic memory. Isn't it always great to know why, when you were a kid and you were having a vocab quiz in a kind of game-contest thing which involved the teacher reading the definition and a kid had to raise their hand and answer, when the teacher only said the word "the" and you rose your hand before any other word could be said, so you were forced to answer or lose that point and you remember the only word to have a "the" in the definition on the list?

... yeah, that kid was me. And no, I can't remember what word it was anymore, but this is part of the reason I never study for tests and the like unless I'm very unsure about the subject matter--because I don't really need to. If I hear it once, I can normally remember the information. If I read it once, I can usually see the words on the back of my eyelid--especially if it's notes I've written down. Yeah, I normally need a trigger to get me to have that vivid a memory about it--like a question or something. "What year did the Normans invade England?" "1066. This is also when stone castles in England start becoming prominent and why the English language uses French words for 'higher' speaking--veal, pork, poultry, while they're only the cooked foods in English is actually the animals themselves in French but in English they're considered 'higher' speaking because the wealthy were normally the only ones able to afford meat and--"

HJgfdasfds.

God, I'm turning into my dad and I dunno how I should feel about it. Someone asks me a question and I have to start at the beginning and work my way forward. I'm a jack of all trades--majoring in French and Spanish while also having a healthy interest for Literature and History. And I can't not think and analyze and...

I think I'm coming to better terms with my being this way. I mean, hell... I was sitting in my History class while my prof went on about the Romans and Caesar initially trying to take over England but it failed so by the time Claudius was Emperor, they tried again and then managed to succeed--until Queen Bouticca raised a rebellion in the southeast side of England, burning down three villages--London being one of them. And because of that Romans never really got into Scotland and--

Okay, yeah, he was doing all of that and I was trying to figure out my family genealogy. Because I am win and know nothing about it. Might poke my dad into emailing me a copy of the family tree or something. Something tells me I'm doomed to be the next family historian. Orz.

And yeah. I was doing the spewing of information thing in French class yesterday. Because we were talking about the rhythms of the French and English language and I spoke up to say that in English, because it's more of a closed language than an open one like French (in regards to flow between one word and the other), there are instead, stressed and unstressed syllables which gives the English language more of a kind of continuous wave of rhythm while French is more of a gradual grow upwards until the end of a sentence kind of thing and...

My head is so full these days. It's actually been rather pleasant. Because when I have nothing to think about, that's when my mind finds things to think about. Which leads to me questioning myself which leads into that spiral of self-loathing and such and just... yeah.

So that's basically what I'm dealing with in recent days. I really think this summer helped me recover a lot from the Winter and Spring Quarter because, while I may not be where I should in regards to a number of things, I'm better off than what I was back then. Because... well, to put it simply, it really sucked.

I'm just really hoping that I don't have a seasonal depression thing and I'll be able to get through this Winter all right. I'll probably not get a job for a while, though, because I'm buckling down and trying to get all my education done as fast as possible. Even if it means I will be taking up English and History as minors if I can't get enough classes to fill the hours.

... god I'm probably going to be in school another two years at this rate, but hopefully it'll all be worth it.

And if you're wondering if I had a purpose to this post? Not really.

Hope you all enjoyed the babble!
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JE SUIS EN DÉSESPOIR!

... okay so not really.

Orz. I've needed to take this oral French course for ages but nerves are going haywire. But hey! I am proud of myself that I was able to understand a lot more of the french that people spoke than I would have thought. And most of it wasn't because I was translating word-for-word in my head.

Kudos. It's only taken me three FULL YEARS to get this far in my French language.

Hopefully Spanish will be faster to master. Orz.

And yes, I had to post this. The French deserves its own post since it EATS MY SOUL.

loev french :<
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